Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
