Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
