Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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