So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
