Plan B is the new Plan A
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
