Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
