She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
