My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
