Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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