Having a random hookup so left but love u
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
