Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
