I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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