Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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