The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
