Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
