got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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