I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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