So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
