My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
