at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
