i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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