In the future we'll all be gay
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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