...so i touched it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
