He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
