u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
