Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
