yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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