i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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