We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
