So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You are a genius and a whore.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
