its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
