Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
