Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
