Got a toothbrush?
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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