i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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