Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
