Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
