when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I smell stomach acid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
