i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
