I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've blown a few things in my day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
