look no pants
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
