Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
