forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
