thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
