it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
