direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
