Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
