doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
