and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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