Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
