I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
