Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
